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The Inner Workings of Dorothy Catalonia [entries|friends|calendar]
Dorothy Catalonia

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On my way... [27 Jun 2003|04:13pm]
[ mood | determined ]

Heero's coming with me to Mars. I'm hoping that we won't run into trouble there. If it takes to long to get back to Wing Zero, I'm afraid he may wrong my neck.

On the way there, I'm also going to try to see if I can figure out anything about this operation--what other things Seivan may have up his sleeve. Checking the database, I can see I am still granted access, I'll try to see what I can do...if that lasts, that is.

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My only friend... and I can do nothing [26 Jun 2003|09:24pm]
[ mood | worried ]

Now that I'm back, I don't see why I left in the first place.

I left in order to find myself... to figure out exactly what I'm doing and why. Garbage, I know. And I paid for it dearly. Matthias is with him. I don't exactly know who 'he' is, but I know he's apparently someone I'm "working" for. I gave Epyon, as promised. All plans for Epyon and the program in it, are ready. There is nothing more I can do.

And now he's gone. The only friend I had... the one person who saw me as a human being, not a bomb about to go off... gone, and I can do nothing about it.

Please, I'm begging anyone, help him. Not only is he a friend and a reliable assistant, but I've always seen him as a brother...an irritating one at times, but a brother nonetheless. It's truly pathetic of me to ask for help like this...but...

I beg of you. Help him. An innocent boy who by fate's cruel joke, ended up with a person like me.

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I don't know anything anymore... [20 Jun 2003|09:29pm]
[ mood | confused ]

I thought of briefly attanding Lady Une's funeral, but given our relationship, I felt that my appearance would have proven to be an insult to the lady. Although we had our friction and slight contempt for one another, I could not help but feel extreme respect for the woman. That feeling still stands. I hope she rests in peace.

I shall not disclose my location to anyone. I do hope everything is running well, and if it isn't Matthias, run and tell Yuy or something. I have no doubt that he has probably found Wing Zero, and if he hasn't, then tough luck. Either way, I remind you Heero, that you will only give Wing Zero when I personally hand it to you. And I will. I give you my word.

Quatre I appreciate your kind words and am glad that I am being given some consideration in this matter. As you probably know the truth now, I am sure you know that I have no intention of helping this Seivan.

I have heard the reports and am (unfortunately) convinced that Treize Khushrenada lives indeed. Even now, I don't know how to take that information. If I know him well, I pray that he does not take the course of action I think he will. The results will not be..pretty.

That said, I do not believe there is anything of any importance for me to address. Anything worth reading, of course.

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[19 Jun 2003|12:14am]
[ mood | rushed ]

Heero came by. I don't believe I can say I was surprised. I wasn't. I knew he would come. Although, I think in a strange way, he saw through to me deeper than anyone else could. I owe him, I see. For giving me the benefit of the doubt. Yes, I thank you.

I believe I pretty much told him everything there was to tell. Now that I think of it, there's not much left I have that he doesn't have at least a vague idea about.

I'll be gone for...personal reasons for a week. I won't be taking anyone, not even Matthias. Instead, Matthias, I'm trusting you to look after things while I'm gone. I need to leave. I can't explain why, but I do. So much has happened that I need to think about... so please do not go looking for me, although I highly doubt anyone will.

Dorothy's thoughts...

No one will come after me. Heero knows the most I could tell him under the circumstances. What would they need from me now? I need to leave. To go somewhere to find myself, to try to figure out the strange feelings I get all of a sudden. I'm not a machine, I get feelings, but my recent ones have been rather...distracting...

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[15 Jun 2003|11:15am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

They're late.

I wonder what's holding them. This is their game not mine. In order to get what I want, I need to play by their rules. Something I hate doing, yes...but necessary.

My sensors are detecting something big going down in the Red Planet. And it's not the construction of Epyon.

So I was right...again. But if I don't find out what's going on down there yet, I'll be forced to leave on other urgent business.

I have yet to give Noin the information on this "kenji." I'll have to do that sometime soon. I highly doubt that it will help, but as they say, "every little bit helps."

**

They better get here soon. I have to get back quickly.

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Information, Anyone? [13 Jun 2003|04:18pm]
[ mood | indifferent ]

I almost forgot. Since obviously I am of no use anymore, I have some information on our ever-so-kind kidnapper. I'll be glad to share it with anyone who is not in a murderous mood and whose name is NOT Heero Yuy.

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Men are blind. [13 Jun 2003|12:44pm]
[ mood | determined ]

How amazingly simple of them to assume whatever it is they are assuming.

Mankind's greatest flaw is their blindness. Their inability to see what's beneath the surface. They see only what they want to see. What they can comprehend.

I'm ashamed to say I expected more out of them. They see but half the picture and already jump to extreme lengths. Thanks to him.

To Heero Yuy.

I want to hate you so badly. You have no idea what you have done. By informing them... the possiblities of what can happen...will only make this worse.

But of course, you'll pay no heed to that.

I'm at the final checkpoint before reaching my destination. I intend on fixing this mess. I do wish you all good luck on your paths.

For I am not blind.

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[12 Jun 2003|08:16pm]
[ mood | angry ]

Heero came by this afternoon. Actually, I can't tell you when he did come by. I woke up and he was sitting right there.

Yes, he was angry. he demanded to get the disk. I told him he had it. I take pride (the little I have left) in the fact that he couldn't find it. Well, I would've. If it had not been for the very personal comment he made about me.

I don't try to analyze what he does. I do not expect him to do so for me. If I alienate myself from society, it is for my own reasons. Reasons that you, Heero, would not understand.

Perhaps if you had a heart, you would. But I needn't delve into that.

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[11 Jun 2003|12:34am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

This is not funny. This is downright pathetic. The way life has been going for the past 3 years...and the way it plummeted in about a month.

Surgery went wrong. Nothing to bad, I am told, but then again, they feel they are being paid to tell me this. I don't need to know. I felt it moving in my arm. And I felt go down further.

On top of that, I am been informed by another giddy maidservant that Quatre has arrived with some company. From what I see, Trowa is missing. Kidnapped. By someone named Kenji.

They want to use my equipment to track down this Kenji. Well, that shouldn't be so hard. Unless this "Kenji" expects it. Which he might. Who knows?

I'm too tired. I've been finding myself dozing off lately. I'm going through another operation soon, hopefully before Friday. But not before I talk to Quatre and find out what is going on.

Life has suddenly become interesting.

Matthias, I want everything to be ready this time. And find a capable pilot, we almost died last time. (Perhaps a good suggestion is to make sure they speak English.).

I wonder where Heero is... I would expect him to be here by now. I wouldn't think he disappeared on us, given that he still has not received what he wanted.

I almost forgot. Wufei paid me a small visit today. It was a rather amusing experience if I do say so myself. I enjoyed talking with you, Wufei. Although the game would have been far more enjoyable had you actually showed more emotion.

Just a remainder for next time.

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I can't keep on track... [10 Jun 2003|09:44am]
[ mood | distressed ]

I think my headache isn't that bad anymore. But it still hurts, a lot...

Not as much as that broadcast did. Seeing his face again... this was all wrong. It couldn't be him. He was dead. And yet, to know how they used his image for their plans...to mock us all.

Have they no decency?

I've called for Matthias, who apparently ran off somewhere. Probably doing something for me, as usual. I work him too hard, I think. But here I am rambling again. If you're reading this Matthias (I know you tracked this down), please come to my hospital room immediately. There is much we have to discuss.

I've agreed to help Quatre and have already sent a few trusted employees to Mars, where I strongly suspect that broadcast came from. Then again, in this state of mind, I don't believe that my choices are reliable anymore. I'm doing this for him, I keep telling myself. I'm doing this for Treize. For his honour.

But how can I hope to protect his, when I could not keep mine?

And maybe...it really was him?

They're clever, I admit. If who I think it is, is behind all this... they know how to play mind games rather well. Destroy us all with uncertainty...yes, very clever.

I need someone to talk to. So that I do not keep rambling in this. Being that I am typing with just one arm.

I have convinced the doctors to tell me what exactly happened to it. It's not anything serious (I think), Fairweather was jsut worried that I would stress myself out over it. No matter. The surgery will be soon enough. And then...

...well, we'll see.

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Attack at Sanc [08 Jun 2003|10:39pm]
[ mood | busy ]

Recent events have proved to be rather interesting. First, I decided to attend Lady Une's speech at the Sanc Kingdom. I had expected it to be a rather calming experience after the traumatic events of late, however I suppose lady luck is just not with us all the time.

I suppose the only pleasant experience I had was the short yet insightful talk I had with Quatre. Due to recent events (I don't think I need to go into them) I deem it will be too much to ask Quatre for a more intimate conversation. If he does suspect, I won't hide that it would be rather nice to have someone to talk to about everything. But right now all that must wait.

The last thing I remember before waking up in the hospital bed (where I am currently dictating this entry to Matthias...) is the front gate collapsing on me. I believe the doctors say that the arm is broken, but they seem to be rather hush-hush about the whole thing. And if it is only a broken arm, why would I be in a private room and still in a hospital bed?

I am thankful for the private room though. The interesting turn of events here were rather...well, slightly disturbing. Not to mention they seem to stir up another one of my migraines. To make a long story short, Heero came to see me today. And I don't think I have to tell you what he wanted.

I'm afraid I was not so willing...for my own reasons. I am fully aware of his concern for Miss Relena, and my concern either matches or even exceeds his. If anyone can give me any news of her, I would greatly appreciate it.

Getting back to the subject, I was not willing, although I provided a little insight into the whole matter (which I believe was useful?). That was, of course, after a very interesting display that occured. I believe that it is in both of our interests not to dwell too far into *that*.

Before I could get any sort of reaction out of him, my arm began to hurt...badly. I think something's lodged in there. Note to self: Sneak around and find out why this broken arm doesn't FEEL like just a broken arm. I believe I blanked out after that.

I just woke up a few minutes ago, and was informed by Matthias and Dr. Fairweather (my very reliable doctor and confidante) that Heero left on some urgent business and stated that he'd be back soon. Curiously, he sent Fairweather to look after me as well. No doubt it was for my insistent whining of my arm?

This entry turned out to be much longer than I expected. I don't believe that there is anything else left to tell and there is much to do before Heero gets back.

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Hospital Beds are uncomfortable [30 May 2003|11:47pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

Giving Blood HURTS.

Take my word for it. Don't ever do it unless you totally have to. Like now.

I woke up to find that Heero was asleep in the bed next to mine. The medics say that he needs to recuperate, but he'll live. The blood transfusion was indeed successful. But he was missing a lot of blood. Although I am, of course, not as weak as he is, I've given quite a bit of blood. Which brings us back to our main point...

Giving blood hurts.

I really wanted to get out of this bed. I hate hospital beds. They're so...I can't think of the word. But that's what they are.

Yes, I am babbling, telling you random thoughts. One can hardly do otherwise when you've given God knows how much blood to someone for a reason you yourself do not know.

Well, now that he is fine, I suppose I certainly owe him...a few things.

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[29 May 2003|06:39pm]
[ mood | drained ]

I...lost...

And I didn't even get a scratch...

It happened so quickly...I injured him so badly...but he knocked me off my feet and disarmed me...his victory...

yet at the same time...I won...because...

Heero's suffering blood loss...if the doctors don't find a way to stop the blood soon...I have them working nonstop to figure out a way to stop it...

I fear he's dying...

This is just so surreal...who would ever think that I was trying to save the life of the one I aimed to kill? But if he dies, it would be unjust. After all, the deal was that I can only take his life if *I* won the duel.

But I didn't.

And now, I'm sitting at my office, because I've been placed her, away from any weapon that may potentially do me harm...while he's in there, probably dying of blood loss.

You know, I don't think he even TRIED to kill me...

So why the hell did I pull that stunt?

Why the hell did I cause all of this...? I've seen people die, dying, suffering before but...

...I'm scared.

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[29 May 2003|02:23pm]
[ mood | restless ]

Heero's here. My sources tell me that he has arrived near my estate. I expect him to arrive shortly. And then...the duel will begin.

I don't know whether I'll win. I don't even know if I'll come out of it alive. But right now is not the time to second-guess myself...I have to be ready, calm, and focused. Heero's a formidable opponent, I'll give him that. But whatever happens, I am determined to win.

Or die.

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[28 May 2003|12:34am]
[ mood | worried ]

Countdown: 2 days. I'm sure Heero can give you a better, more accurate time, but I'm not concerned with him right now.

I've been sparring since I got back from my *ahem* visit with Wufei.

Wufei, I'm sorry...I...

...can't say anymore than that.

***

I have Matthias taking total control over my affairs, while I sit here, and think. I've been doing a lot of that. (besides running to torture Wufei earlier, once again, I apologize) I don't think it's necessary to write down the thoughts circling in my mind right now. If you know, you know. If you don't...as they say, tough luck.

I should probably get rest.

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[27 May 2003|10:19pm]
[ mood | enraged ]

Is this "Let's-Manipulate-Dorothy-Like-A-Gundam Week" for all of you???!!!

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[27 May 2003|08:08pm]
[ mood | scared ]

Duo...we had an agreement, remember that!! And if I lose, it's YOUR fault!

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Random thoughts... [27 May 2003|05:48pm]
[ mood | shocked ]

I can't believe it. Of all people to talk to...of all subjects. When I went back to Duo's house, I thought I was crazy. Why was I going back? Why didn't I stay away like I was supposed to?

I don't know exactly what happened, but there were people upstairs and Trowa and Duo were in the kitchen. They must have been busy, as they didn't even notice me enter. Of course, that didn't matter to me. I figured that I could just go out back, think about everything, everything I got myself into. And then, I saw Quatre.

I don't know why I sat next to him. Or why I began pouring (at least part) of my heart and soul out to him. For the first time in my life, someone was speaking to me seriously, without wanting anything FROM me. It was a strange feeling, a catharsis of some kind.

Even now, I don't remember half the things I said. It was days ago, and at night, nonetheless. Even so, I won't forget one thing that he said to me. When he talked about himself. You see, this was also new to me. While I wasn't forced to give information, it still me I was speaking of. My feelings I was purging. But this time, it was different.

He spoke and told me a little about himself as well.

Little as it was, it meant a great deal to me. To me, it meant that he didn't just look at me as an old enemy that happened to be at the same place as him, but as an accquaintance. Better than nothing, I suppose.

I cannot promise any of you that I will not die. I cannot promise you that should I win, I will not kill him. But I can promise one thing.

I am a lady of my word. And I will keep it.

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[26 May 2003|08:20pm]
[ mood | numb ]

I walked into Duo's house this evening, the copy that I promised Une in my pocket (who never showed up), and *ahem* armed, very confident. I was certain that whatever would take place there, I could handle it. I've done it before, haven't I?

Not this time.

I settled in, careful in my responses, and annoyed Wufei a great deal. The whole time, those eyes were on me. Those cobalt eyes. Then Wufei and Quatre ran off for some reason I could care less about (given the fact, I don't KNOW the reason) and I was left with Yuy. Charming.

He gave me a proposition. At first I was flattered, I was THAT tough to handle. Even for the great Heero Yuy. And now...

...I hate him.

He's good, I admit. He can manipulate people, he sees people just as I do. But the only problem was, he knew what I wanted the most.

And he offered it to me. In exchange for the one thing I would not give up. So now where am I? I've risked my knowledge, my hard work, my effort, everything I had since that day...just to stake it, for another chance.

For honor. And pride.

Something deep down inside tells me that I won't be getting that. So what HAVE I gotten myself into?

The match is this Thursday. I have until then to get ready, and practice.

And hope.

Yes, you heard right. I hope. Without that, I'd despair. At least with the childhood I've been given. I am no Heero Yuy. I wish I was...but I'm not. I hope...and I pray to whatever is up there...

Give me this duel.

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[24 May 2003|04:18pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

Can someone give me a lift to Duo's party? The only other way out of here is with Matthias, who is most definately stalking me...*shudders*

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